Thursday, November 15, 2007

LOWELL WATCH: Picasso paints your house, the Yankees suck my balls.

Pablo Picasso, possibly the greatest artist of the 20th century. Only an rich asshole of remarkable degree would pay a painter of his caliber to paint his house.

Alex Rodriguez, plus shortstop, very toolsy. I wouldn't say that only a rich asshole would pay him to play third base, because his value at the plate relates well at third base. But I will say that it's a dubious move when the incumbent shortstop is of limited range, albeit maximum ability to make minimal plays look maximal via unnecessary jumping, and diving. Plus in 2001, he saved America. Quoth the Guiliani campaign, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11. (Pause.) 9/11.

Mike Lowell. Career year at the plate, but most dependably over his career, excellent third baseman. Only a rich asshole and his son would consider signing him to play first base, the easiest position on the field, and also one that Lowell has never played before. And that's what these assholes are trying to do! Because they already have a shortstop playing third base!

Yankee moves to come:

1) Megadeal nets RHP Johan Santana. Santana's golden arm goes to centerfield.
2) Second megadeal nets 3B/1B Miguel Cabrera. Cabrera moves to catcher, C Jorge Posada moves to leftfield.
3) Trade for 1B Richie Sexson. Sexson, being tall and lefthanded, is of course made into a starting pitcher.

As for Lowell, well, I hope he is hearing this shit out to scare Boston into giving him a better deal, not with a truly open ear. I can live with Mike Lowell as a Yankee: I can't live with Mike Lowell being moved out of position to be a Yankee. Forget about it, now. Say no go.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Is the Jackson 5 Alex Rodriguez? The Yankees?

In either case, the love is back...sorta. I feel oddly happy about this movement, actually. Count the blessings:

1) Alex Rodriguez would not be a Sox.
2) The Yankees would not have a chance of bumping up the price for Mike Lowell or signing him outright.
3) The New York tabloids will be entertaining for another year, especially the evil one. Evil and obsessive...all they do is think of you, Alex:

4) Scott Boras will be the first agent to negotiate himself OUT of the negotiations for a high-priced client! Brilliant.

But then, there's the problem:

5) A scary fucking (regular season) hitter would return to the Bronx.

Well, scary and hilariously competitive.

Yeah, come to think of it, sign him, New York. Sign him for fifteen years.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

2007 AL Cy Young Award: C.C. Sabathia wins.

That's cool.

No, dude, it's totally cool. Yeah, yeah, Beckett was deserving, but that doesn't mean he deserved it, if you follow me, not in a year where the Cy Young candidates were this close. Wins, as anyone who reads Prospectus knows, is a silly, arbitrary statistic, so Beckett having the win lead is less than meaningless. And C.C. pitched, like, five more starts in the regular season. Four complete games. Didn't end up meaning anything that C.C. was tired in the postseason, either.

Boss Vaughn says drinks are on the house for C.C. and any Cleveland fans, and that I am not allowed to make any further belittlement of the excellent Cleveland lefty. Especially not fat jokes, which the proprietor's heard enough of for a lifetime.

We'll fire up the grill too, C.C. Have a light snack:


Monday, November 12, 2007

Your 2007 Rookie of the year....directed by Daniel Stern!

Congratulations to 2007 Rookie of the Year Dustin Pedroia for proving legions of scouts wrong. A 5'4" 150lb second baseman with no particular speed or power can not only be a major leaguer, he can be a vital part of a championship lineup and cover Julio Lugo's ass from the other side of the keystone. All with a broken wrist. That's so solid, no one even need call it scrappy.

Congrats to the voters for not managing to think themselves out of the obvious pick. (Of course, they also went obvious in the NL, where I'da gone for Tulowitzki, but hey, that Braun fella is absorbent and I do have issues with Tulo insomuch as he's the first shortstop in the majors with Jeter as his hero, something that somehow makes me feel old too.)

And congratulations to me, for the worst MS Paint cut and paste ever. And now I will attempt to break my arm in a way that gives me a fastball.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Red Sox fans win, Red Sox fans who read Herald headlines lose.

Curt'n call. Pretty bad way to announce a pretty good bit of news: 1 more year of Curt at $8 mil, with a possible extra $2 mil in incentives. What about....?

Schill's last thrill!
Schill back to the hill!
Curt's like a knife!
Curt back for 8 million more schillings!
Curt back to put on the hurt!
Curt Curt Curt! Derp de derp!
Give Curt his schillings or else they will be killings:

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