2008-09 New York Post Headlines for CC Sabathia.

DADDY FAT STACKS
CC signs record pitcher deal.

WHERE'S THE BEEF?
Sabathia starts 0-3; Yankee hopes in slow start already running thin.

CLASH OF THE TITANS
Sabathia pitch whizzes past David Ortiz's head; both players ejected, Yankees win.

OH SAY CAN YOU CC?
Sabathia pitches complete game no-hitter on America's, George Steinbrenner's, birthday.

LIVIN' LARGE
Sabathia winning streak reaches 5; Yankees take wild card lead.

FATTY FATTY BAT SMACK
Red Sox batter Yankees 12-2; Sabathia lasts just 1.2 IP.

CC SO-FATTY-BLAH
Yankees eliminated from playoff contention as Sabathia loses, 3-2; mere 15-win season leaves New York calling for blood.

SABATHIA IS A FAT FAT OVERPAID FAT FAT FUCK. FAT FAT.
A very special Joel Sherman column.

The New York Post: News You Can Lose!

Yup, this is the front page story of a major American newspaper. It's a weak back page story, really, something for News of the Weird, but do read the article as a lesson in how to stretch a story with bemused quotes.

Additionally, curses are apparently easier to discover than ever: while the Curse of the Bambino wasn't properly "discovered" by this assclown until 1986, 68 years into it; however, 4 championship-less seasons into his time in pinstripes (2 MVP seasons, no matter my feelings on 2005), the Curse of A-Rod, says the article, exists. That's some clever stuff. So there's your solution. Trade A-Rod, and re-sign Paul O'Neill, Scott Brosius (now THAT's a third baseman!) and Luis Sojo, and your problem's solved: new Yankee dynasty.

The Bostonian construction worker pulled a nice prank, even if by putting it under the visitors' clubhouse instead of the Yankees', he missed an opportunity to cause some real bad mojo. And that really matters, you know, if you're one of the people that was really riveted by the search for Babe Ruth's piano or thought the stint on the DL Pedro Martinez logged following his proclamation that he would drill the Bambino in the ass if he ever faced him was cosmic karmic payback.

In other words, this story matters if you're a fucking dolt. But it's amusing to see Yankees fans become the superstitious ones all the same.

@#*! you, Cynthia Rodriguez.

Yeah, I said it. Fuck you, Cynthia Rodriguez, wife of Alex. Reasons:

1) Looking good and letting A-Rod bang cheap-looking wannabe Playmate meat. I've gone over this before: either A-Rod is a big dick or there's something going on in that relationship we don't know or want to know.

1a) It's fun to make fun of the victim.

1b) It's funny because I don't know her.

2) Living in the clean and decent city of New York, never have I heard such language. We are a people of law, good public services, and decency. Won't someone please think of the children?

3) Angry celebrities (angry at celebrity itself?) don't turn out well.

4) Derek Jeter's girlfriends no longer have sleepovers with her.

5) She shoulda worn this shirt instead:


(Retail price [Times Square]: $6, two for $10.)