GAMES TWENTY ONE-TWENTY THREE: You saying Jesus can't hit a curveball?

Not a bad April. Not a bad April at all, capped off as Julian Tavarez was actually really good except during a mystifying three-batter sequence to the 7-8-9 hitters (walk, walk, too wild to let Doug Mzkwhefjrkhvlitch bunt, causing Doug M. to...hit a three run homerun?) marring a solid five innings. Hideki Okajima (Oh-ka-jih-ma, not Oka-gi-ma, announcers) hasn't given up a run since his first batter of the season. Jon Papelbon hasn't given up a run this season at all. David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez (and Alex Cora?) are powering up. The Sox are 16-8 and are only starting to hit, and have their biggest division lead at the end of April ever; it isn't easy to be up by four games already, although the last time they had a three game lead, 2004, it obviously didn't last. And then they won the World Series. It worked out okay.

In New York, the question remains Joe Torre. Or does it? I miss the old Steinbrenner, the one who would have gone through three managers by now, probably Torre, Yogi Berra, and Torre again.



With no fire and brimstone coming, and with a mild desire to have the Yankees get back into contention just for the excitement of it (i.e., postpone total collapse until just after the All-Star break), I'm not sure what will keep the Yankees whole. Although their once Christ-like centerfielder went all Samson on us when he cut his hair, the Yankee pitching staff is still all about the Jesus, and nobody fucks with the Jesus. Although I have seen these subway ads tagged in all sorts of filthy ways. To revise: no one fucks with the Jesus, except in New York, where everyone fucks with the everyone.



If the Jesus plan fails, as Andy knows, there are more important things than baseball, which is good, because Jesus can't give him back his cutter, or give him another chance to protect the lead yesterday. Nor can it give the Yankees David Wells, Randy Johnson, Roger Clemens, or any other actual warm bodies to fill out their pitching staff. Nor can it give Mariano back his good stuff if he has in fact lost it.



Hmm, maybe Jesus and sports are a mismatched pairing, like Bernie Williams and a recording studio. Or maybe I just need my free brochure.

Only Yankees Bleed: Today's fun stat!

From the ProJo via STATS Inc:

"Since 2000, Red Sox pitchers have hit Yankee batters with 80 pitches; Yankee pitchers have hit Red Sox batters with 48 pitches."

Maybe Spaceman Lee is avenged on a regular basis. Or maybe Joe Torre's just a pussy.

GAME NINETEEN: Blood, blood, blood!

Nice game last night: the Sox beat on the Orioles' expensive bullpen, Schilling went seven strong, and Pembleton couldn't get pock-marked killer Julian Tavarez to reveal where he hid the kids' bodies. Apparently, when it comes to the AL East team that somehow owns Boston, Toronto is the new Baltimore, and Baltimore is the new Tampa Bay, whereas Tampa Bay is the new Toronto? No, wait a second...let's reconfigure this with the assumption that the Yankees aren't going to right their pitching this year, an assumption I wouldn't make otherwise. So, "[blank] is the new [blank]," in current order of standings.

Boston is the new...New York. (Note: must win a division flag first. It's been twelve years. This blog ain't named after Mo Vaughn for nothing.)

Baltimore is the new...Toronto. Third place at best. No one really cares.

Toronto is the new...Boston. Pre-2004. The team that always seems to be getting better, but may never get There.

Tampa Bay is the new...Baltimore. (In recognition of the fact that they might not be finishing last in years to come. They'll be finishing fourth.)

New York is the new...Tampa Bay? Circa 1999, maybe. Fading veterans? Check. Inadequate pitching? Check. Steinbrenner even has his whole separate secret Yankee branch based out of Tampa.

(Look, someone other than Tampa Bay had to play Tampa Bay. Oh, and I'm way too optimistic about the suckage of the Yankees. As you've noted. But a five-game losing streak is a five-game losing streak, and Phil Hughes is no Steve Nebraska.)

The bit of controversy to come from yesterday's game, yawn, is over the authenticity of Curt Schilling's bloody sock, Game 6, 2004 ALCS. Broadcaster Gary Thome (who I thought was more a hockey guy, actually) said Doug Mirabelli told him the blood wasn't real; Doug Mirabelli denied ever saying anything of the sort. Which I guess means the conversation went like this?

THOME: Was the blood real?
MIRABELLI: (Vague gesture.)
THOME: I knew it!

I don't much care if it was blood; it was a cadaver's tendon holding Schilling's ankle together, a surgery that cost Schilling any semblance of effectiveness in 2005 and is unlikely to be repeated again because it's just not a very good idea, unless you absolutely need a pitcher to go. Now if the sock had been painted and Schilling just chose to suck in 2005, that would be another issue. An issue requiring a really, really stupid theory.