Monday, December 10, 2007

Exit Scott "Gasoline" Proctor, Enter Latroy "Benzene" Hawkins.

Yep. Real good signing there, Yanks. This one'll go over well with a fandom that actually believes in clutch. If only Joe Borowski were available, you could corner the market on iffy ex-Cub relievers.

Some must be wondering about the nickname. Well, the original Gasoline's gone to L.A. to rack up the pitcher abuse points on the back of Joe Torre, but the new one's been doing plenty of hackworth in ol' Scott's place. It's hard to say who will play the role of Polystyrene this early, although my money's on Edwar.

Benzene + Gasoline + Polystrene = NAPALM.

Merry Christmas, Bronx.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Alex Rodriguez: The anti-Mo Vaughn.

Awesome! The humanization/villainization of Alex Rodriguez continues, this time by the New York Times' article "A-Rod’s Properties and Charity Suggest Some Decrepitude of Soul." (Er, "Stinginess," that was supposed to read. Honest mistake.") This article describes some crappy apartment buildings owned by Mr. Rod in Tampa, FL, with carpets stained from the '90s, rickety banisters, piles of old mattresses rotting by the dumpsters, residents quoted as saying things like "Honestly, I was raised in a ghetto and I was brought up a little better than this." Oh, and managers who manage to lose the rent, then kick out tenants for missing rent.

How the fuck do you lose the rent? A gust of Florida can blow away the wind. It can't blow the money on lottery tickets and...whatever else there is to spend money on in Tampa. Flimsy summer suits? Salsa records? Also, A-Rod donated less than $6K to charity in 2005. And his shitty properties have LOST value!

Eh, whatever. We all know that it isn't possible to make money and not be evil. And baseball players don't make great businesspeople, especially not in real estate. I can't think of a single former MLB player who is making money in real estate while doing good work to make project buildings genuine residences.

But you know whose apartment buildings wouldn't be falling apart? Derek Jeter. Now that guy knows how to hire a clutch carpenter, and get his evictions done in April, when it doesn't count as much. Jeter knows not to cut corners or cheat on anything. Because all of your mistakes can come back to you:

Thursday, December 6, 2007


The Johan Santana watch is currently on beige alert, as Minnesota remains finicky, the Yankees' ultimatum inspired not the pressure it was supposed to apply but the derisive laughter of a Kindergarten class laughing at the huffy kid who runs out the door with his toys saying he'll never play with them again, the Red Sox are apparently failing to bowl Twins GM Bill Smith over, and the Mets are only in this game in Omar Minaya's mind. Trading away Lastings Thrilledge to Washington might've made your weak arsenal of dealable prospects a little weaker there, Omar. I do like the outfield that's possible if Nick Johnson takes back 1B from the Meathook, though. Milledge, Elijah Dukes, Dmitri Young: there will be blood.

Back to Santana watch: the short-term good news is, the Yankees don't have him.

(Short-term because, well, I'd never give up a Phillip Hughes if I had him. See his September statistics too: 3-0 with a sub-3 ERA. He could real good really soon, like now.)

Long-term good news very well may be, we don't have him. (And thus still have Lester, who was just finding his form; Jacoby Ellsbury, an immediate 2008 Rookie of the Year frontrunner, as well as Justin Masterson and Jed Lowrie, legitimate 3-star prospects.)

Short-term bad news is, with no resolution on all the trade talk swirling about, nor the dreams I can't help but hold of a Santana-Beckett 1-1A punch, I'm wasting my work day hitting reload on the Baseball Prospectus and winter meeting blogs. Baseball season has certain times to look forward to, namely, game time, and whenever BP and Hardball Times (among other sites) load up for the day. The off-season is formless and frustrating and long and cold. Eh. When it's cold, you've just gots to chill.

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