ALDS Wrap-Up: Jon Lester is the new ace, Rally Monkey is the new dead, Anaheim Angels are the new Chicago Cubs.

Phew. I was jumping up and down when Jed Lowrie's hit went through, yes, but ultimately, were you celebrating this victory, or were you deeply, deeply relieved?

This wasn't exactly a "Eh, we can lose this one and get 'em the next game" situation, even if Buck Martinez thought this attitude was somehow responsible for a somewhat silent 3rd inning Fenway crowd. (Buck Martinez may have been a better manager than an announcer. I wish I was kidding.)

No, this was a, "We'd really better fucking win now, or we're taking our chances with our 3rd best starter, in Anaheim, having lost two heartbreakers in a row." This was Game 6 of the 1998 NBA finals, where the wounded Chicago Bulls wouldn't have even been able to suit up Scottie Pippen in Game 7. This was everything.



And wow, did it get harrowing. Game 3 was a huge factor in Game 4, because had Papelbon not pitched two innings, there is no way he wouldn't have come in with two on and two out in the 8th, for a four-out save. Instead, Torii Hunter came up big after Masterson crossed up Varitek on a wild pitch I still believe is officially a passed ball. Was Masterson bad last night? Er...kinda; I'd be more willing to give the benefit of the doubt had he not also almost put on the game-winning run with the leadoff double in the 9th. I still have faith in him all the same.

But let's focus on the positive.



Lester was magnificent. The shortest synopsis of this series I can give is: Lackey was very good, Lester was fucking brilliant.



Bay, as he put it himself, was better lucky than good on an end-of-the-bat double, but he was both lucky and good this series.



These shirts are stupid, but so is Papelbon, in just the right way.



We're going to miss Mike Lowell, but he was clearly a shadow of himself. As the two excellent plays Mark Kotsay made in Game 4 show (one a scramble forward that Youk wouldn't have had the speed to make, the other a classic over the shoulder catch), it might be a nice thing to have a center fielder playing first base. As for Youk, I've got no problem with a third baseman playing third base.



Relief pitchers dousing Boston police detective William Dunn. Why? Fuck the police.



Dustin, please, stop. You're hurting Daisuke.



John Henry is a pimp.

We may well have just beat the best team in either league this year, we may not have. It doesn't really matter now. Tampa Bay's legitimacy is unquestionable, as is the AL East's in 2008. They took one flag. Let's take the one that counts.

What's that a-chokin' in my throat?

From a forward to me....

ALDS GAME 1: I guess these are the Angels after all.

Another year, another series with Anaheim, a very different set of expectations, the very same result. Substitute a dominant performance from Josh Beckett for a stellar, slowly-building sort of start from Jon Lester, take a 2-run home run from David Ortiz and make it a vital, game-changing 2-run homer by Jason Bay, and the results aren't too different.

2007: Sox win 4-0, Lackey loses.

2008: Sox win 4-1, Lackey loses, bitches on about it.

It was a taut game where Lester started very shakily, but really found his footing and an absolutely wicked, downright spiteful curveball, as the innings went on. Even the run was unearned.

Justin Masterson's appearance in the 8th wasn't as shaky as it seemed--there was one solid single, one bloop made an out by a diving catch by an apparently-October-loving Jacoby Ellsbury (3-5, 2B, RBI), and one bloop over Youkilis' head made an out by Vlad Guerrero's dumb-assedness. Or forgetfulness that he wasn't fucking with Jason Giambi, or any other throw-averse first baseman. He was fucking with a bad motherfucker third baseman. And so he was out by three country miles. Thanks, Vlad.



A few insurance runs made this one go down easily in the 9th, and now we can give ourselves a hand while not going and sucking each others' dicks just yet.

(Well, maybe, maybe not. The 45 King's 2 a.m. text ["GAY FOR LESTER"] was merely the most overtly homoerotic Sox love message I received. I replied, "Gay for Bay." It's a special time of year.)

But I love Matsuzaka as my house money pitcher much more than as a pitcher of need. The Angels are a good but deeply mortal team with 100 wins fattened largely on the least competitive division in baseball. This could be fun.

Tick...Tick...(Checks watch, realizes it's actually ten hours to go.) Tick...

It's actually good I'm going to be out on an anniversary date rather than waiting for this game to start, because the wait is going to be awhile. Yet another reason why not winning the AL East hurts: 10 p.m. starts to start this series. Work productivity in New England from the hours of 9 a.m. to 11 a.m. is about to go dramatically down. Just what this economy needs.



A moment of silence for the Minnesota Twins; if there were justice, the head-to-head tiebreaker would determine home field for the 163rd game rather than a fucking coin flip, but then again, the Twins had a chance to get their own justice. Against the Royals. Thus, they had to enter the blackout. (Dumbest fan stunt ever, by the way. What could be more intimidating than a crowd...that doesn't appear to be there?! Worked wonders for the Georgia Bulldogs last Saturday too.)

The Twins are a young team with good pitching, and a likeable team too; I'm sorry to see them go even if I think they're the more likely unlikely run of the two AL Central teams. A Chicago-Chicago World Series isn't happening, but the mere possibility of it is a heavy one. My parents live in Chicago. I don't want them to be around when Chicago '68 II: Ozzie Strikes Back! starts.



I almost care about the NL playoffs this year. The Cubs could be somewhat real.

...

...

Maybe I don't. The Cubs are the 2004 Cardinals redux: good to go down in 5 in the World Series unless the White Sox make it.

I don't know what to expect tonight. Lackey gives up home runs by the bunch this year, so I think he'll give up two tonight; the outcome of the game hinges on if there are runners on when they are hit.

Let's go get it.

Reasons the Angels Suck, #3-5

3) ThunderStix.

They didn't invent them, but they make them (in)famous in America, giving lazy fans everywhere an alternative to using their precious palms and fingers and voices to make noise.

Males above the age of 11 who use these are akin to men of the same demographic who still bring a glove to the game. (Women are still allowed free reign in both categories, so long as they aren't wearing pink hats/jerseys.)

If you aren't the drum guy at Jacobs Field (or maybe, maybe, maybe cowbell guy), make noise the old-fashioned way, please. It's a slippery slope downward to megaphones, noisemakers, firecrackers and party favors.



4) Fake rocks in a stadium.

Is this a Par 3 or Par 2? Where's the pirate hole? Where's the goddamn windmill?

5) Los Angeles of Anaheim of California of...

You know the worst thing about Arte Moreno's idiotic gambit to jump through the city of Anaheim's legal loopholes while grabbing up the L.A. market? (Besides the fact that it serves as a reminder of what the Angels gave up oh so many name changes ago?)

The worst thing is, it's worked. The Angels are L.A's team. (For the moment.) Never overestimate the intelligence of Southern California.

On the plus side, Arte dropped beer prices.

Reasons the Angels Suck, #1-2

1) This movie.

2) The third order standings at Baseball Prospectus (click to here and look below if you want an explanation but it's basically the most sophisticated Expected Wins/Losses in the game) go as follows across the Leagues:

Team W L
Red Sox 99.2 56.8
Rays 93.7 61.3
Cubs 90.6 64.4
Blue Jays 88.1 67.9
Yankees 87.1 68.9
Mets 85.1 70.9
Chi Sox 85.0 70.0
Dodgers 84.5 71.5
...
Angels 81.9 75.2

In other words, we're going against the weakest team in the AL. Kinda. Sorta puts the strength of the AL East in perspective too, when 4 of the division's 8 teams are in the top 8 in the majors. The AL West, you'll notice, is the only AL league without a team in the top 8. Angels were 11th, just .3 expected wins against the Indians.



So let's celebrate a little, bitches. Get Devern Hansack ready for a start. Build J.D. Drew an exoskeleton and get him some at-bats. It's coasting time.

I Sent A Letter To The Red Sox, The Other Day/ They Opened, and Read It, It Said They Were Suckas!

Dear Boston Red Sox,

Regarding your performance since the All-Star break, which has been a rapid-fire version of the standard Sox summer swoon, I must say:



You're all better than this. Except maybe Manny Delcarmen. Who hasn't even been bad lately.

Play better or fuck off.


Yours in Christ,

Josh


P.S. for Theo--

This proposed three-way deal of Manny Ramirez for Jason Bay plus prospects sounds like the Nomar Garciaparra trade of 2008: a shake-up trade in which a disgruntled though incredibly talented veteran is traded for less than equal talent in return, to shake up an underachieving team. This armchair GM right here signs off on it.

Save me, Kirk Cameron!

We came very close to the apocalypse last night. Oh, it's odd enough that John Lackey of the 7+ ERA at Fenway got a win. But two outs away from a no-hitter? Two more and the four horses come in. As it is, start praying. President Lou Gossett Jr. can't save you now.

But though the Angels won twice yesterday, I'm much more concerned with the win that involved the Sox. I know this isn't an opinion I've seen much, but the difference between Casey Kotchman and Mark Texiera is, though significant, not everything you might expect. Was it a good trade? Absolutely. Was it a great trade? Not unless they resign.

As for Boston, Bartolo Colon can't come off the DL soon enough to take Clay's spot back. Sorry y'all, but shit is getting drastic, and you can only rebuild and contend so much at the same time. The kid doesn't have it this year.

If the Rays hadn't lost Monday and if the Yankees (the team my less-educated Sox fan friends remain fully convinced will win the AL East...hold your panic, or at least keep some of it directed Tampa way, people) weren't currently catching a B'More beatdown, I might be home sick today with a hangover of the worst kind.



One more thing about the Angels and how their demolishing of the Red Sox bodes for any playoff matchup with them: you never can tell. The Indians didn't beat the Yankees in the regular season last year.

But let's focus on getting in the playoffs now. Please.

A Tale of Two Sweeps

Competition:

1. Angels: First place in the AL West, weak offensively but deep in all pitching aspects.

2. Mariners: Bad. Now with Felix Hernandez!


The Clay Bucholz Game

1. Horrifying. Sox get shelled.

2. Kinda good, by the youngster's standards. Two rare homeruns account for the three runs in his 5.1 IP, and he was unhittable at times. Red Sox scrap to win in 12 innings.


Offense

1. Scores 8 runs total. Leaves plenty of baserunners on in the eminently winnable second game.

2. Scores 11 runs in the regular 27 innings. Leaves plenty of baserunners on in the eminently winnable second game. Wins it anyway.



Bullpen

1. Makes the "Vlad Guerrero and pray for eight walks" lineup look like Murderer's Row. A particularly irritating performance is given by Manny Delcarmen (pictured above, with bloody nose and anus) in letting in the winning runs in the third game; if he could be relied upon, Tim Wakefield's excellent start likely wouldn't have been extended into the 8th inning in the first place.

2. Yesterday. Justin Masterson. 2 2/3 perfect innings pitched. 27 pitches, 20 strikes. I'm already dreaming of this situation repeating itself:

Daisuke/Wakefield/Bucholz (?): 6-7 IP.
Masterson: 1-2 IP.
Papelbon: Game over.


Final feeling:

1. Dejection. Josh Beckett tired off something awful in the second game, as (sorta) did Tim Wakefield, but this team couldn't hit shit. Also, K-Rod (and that stupid nickname) makes my blood boil, so just seeing him come out twice, successfully, knocked three months off my life expectancy.

2. Highly qualified satisfaction. Hey, it's just the Mariners, even if it's also the first (yes, first) road sweep for the Sox this year. The offense was still inopportunistic. Perhaps Papi's presence as much as his bat could change things. Hell, if the overall swing in emotion gets Jacoby Ellsbury's batting average up to .270, I'd be content.

GAME TWENTY-FOUR: Too angry to speak.

Justin Masterson was a:



But that didn't matter because the bullpen was:



Games like this make me want to drink a whole:



Then black out, and wake up like this:



You've been warned, Delcarmen.

GAME TWENTY-THREE: A Tale of Two Needles

This is a flu vaccine. Everyone should get them, especially major league baseball players. The flu that has taken down so many Sox and left us with the odd spectacle of Kevin Cash, everyday catcher, took down Daisuke Matsuzaka, bringing in Jon Lester on three day's rest. Jon Lester wasn't so good on three days' rest, although the game was in winnable range.



This is human growth hormone. He was on it when he had his one above average year, and yesterday, swung the bat as though he was back on it. Of course, its real effects are considered negligible, marijuana to steroids' heroin, except for surface-level aesthetic purposes. But still, when you think of Gary Matthews, you're thinking of either human growth hormone, the catch that made a 4th outfielder rich, or the contract itself:



Last night was a game that was winnable, in any case, but we didn't. Craig Hansen made a mistake to GMJr., but his slider looked like the one we drafted, so yes, I'm drooling at the prospect of him taking Mike Timlin's innings by season's end. Today, our rotation is still out of sync as we bring in Justin Masterson for his first start above AA; love the guy, don't love the timing of bringing him in against a team currently batting .300. Think we're gonna need a little more offense today. Think I need to stop writing now to listen to the game.

GAME TWENTY-TWO: Winning streaks are fun.

Not even Dustin Pedroia's drunken Everclear-fueled incident, or Josh Beckett's sore neck, or David Pauley's...existence, can stop the Sox.

It was the third significant comeback of this six-game streak, and when one includes the mammoth comeback in a losing cause on Wednesday, it seems this team has a predilection for the dramatic. The top two of the lineup killed Angel pitching to the tune of 7-10, 4 runs, 3 RBIs, including the game winning bunt hit (Ellsbury)/ RBI double (Bushwick Dustin) combination. Add in some solid bullpen work by ol' Pizzaface Tavarez, man of shadow Okajima, Mike Timlin's one-out win (it was a big out, though), and Jon Papelbon making the baseball bleed with 99 mph stuff.



This is fun. Not so much so for the Angels, who have had the Red Sox put a hurtin' on him since at least 2004 (see above ALDS victory celebration), or maybe ever since this guy pitched for 'em. Boss Vaughn enjoys it too, maybe because the Anaheim squad jettisoned him for cash and Appier right before that championship season, maybe not. If the Angels continue their free-swinging ways, Daisuke Matsuzaka, a pitcher who has never found a strike he wasn't willing to make less strike-y, will be right at home. Keep it rollin'.

WEEKEND POST-GAME: First we cook, then we chill.

Alright. Nice Sunday. Ate at Joe's, wandered and discovered that if "Williamsburg" isn't dying, it's at least being pushed further and further South. Drank a couple beers here as the Angels hung tight and then got absolutely manhandled. Enjoyed the company of an Ozzie Sox fan among others. Wrote a couple rewritten lyrics.



gooooodbye anaheim angels...
I can't hang a name on you...
when it changes every new day...
I'm not gonna miss you...

Took the train. Heard via cell phone by field reporter Nay Ratzoo, #3 Marmaduke Fan in the world, that Clemens was down, Clemens was down, and Trot hit a homerun. Good.

(To my field reporter: give me a better name than what I just spat out there. Any name.)

Saw a brilliant show by a brave woman.

Passed by Slainte and saw that the Yankees were...ahead? Whatever. No, not whatever. Good. May as well see if anyone knows how this happened. Explained a bit of baseball to a dude from the U.K. because he asked me. Apparently I know more about cricket than I thought.

(Hello, across the pond: Jen, Dan, and Lil' E.)

Ordered a club soda just to be a customer. talked a bit of Chicago with some Bears fans, talked a bit of...business? with Packers fans. Fun.

Far as the [New York Highlanders] versus the [Cleveland Spiders], I have three words for you. Blood, blood, blood.

I'm cooked, now I chill.



And then I listen to this. Gorgeous song by a brave man composed as he lay dying, mainly just with some records, samples of which may never have cleared to my knowledge. Played by a Korean punk-rock band. I have been over this before. Wow. Wow. Wow.



Then I sleep. Bar's closed on "Columbus" Day. Um, enjoy it. But stare at this a minute and think. I'd love to know what you think, because...zzzzzz....

PRE GAME, GAME 2, ALDS, RED SOX V FALLEN ANGELS

Any Angels fans out there? I've got a free appletini for you, although I think Boss Vaughn is gonna be a little angry when he sees the invoices this month. (About the alcohol type, not the Angels. They treated him well; Duquette didn't. And if you do your research just bear in mind that flavored alcohol will make you kinda ill tomorrow.



Jinx, jinx...jinx? (Rolls eyes, goes to lunch.)

Three games to go: My People...Hold On

Yeah alright, I'm a little...nervous isn't the word. Tired, maybe, since I'd rather be focusing on the amazingly entertaining mediocrity of that AAAA league we call the National League (the Rockies haven't lost since September 15th!) then semi-sweating the last three games. Sure, Joe Torre showed some nice signs of not giving a fuck last night (your closer for the night: Jose Veras...and Joba's pitching the 8th instead of the 9th in that configuration...why?), but teams can stumble into victory, especially when the competition is the Tampa Bay Rays nee Devil Rays.

(Incidentally, Paul Lukas' Uni Watch is right: Tampa's new, no longer devilish look is borrrring. At least a crazy minor league look would be entertaining...and appropriate considering the franchise history.)

It's a different scenario thanks to the playoff system and the fact that, really, the Sox can't blow what matters: we're in. But the difference between facing the wounded Angels and trying to negotiate the tilted-cap Scylla and young Charybdis is...significant. And boy oh boy do the Sox have a recent history of collapse.

A little funk to pep you up for tonight, which will hopefully be at least half-magical. We are standing on the verge of getting it on, my people. Hold on.

No more magic.

In deference to common sense and the Yankees' continuing run against the American League (even if it is largely against the have-nots), there will be no more premature mention of magic number about these parts.

Not a fun couple of games, as the Red Sox blow two leads to the Angels. Half-assed analysis:

Game 1) Why have Gagne, Okajima, and Papelbon if you don't want to use them, with or without the lead? Why is my dread of Julian Tavarez returning? Why does Manny have to be thrown out of a game that ends with Brandon Moss striking out, with runners on, in his place?

Game 2) Repeat much of 1, as the relievers put this game out of reach. Hidden goat: Manny Delcarmen, who allowed all his inherited runners to score like a trust fund baby spending someone else's inheritance. See where these two games have left me? Making worse analogies than ever!