Take A-Trip into A-Rod's A-Future!

If it's an even year, everyone hates A-Rod and he's only 2nd in the AL in OPS instead of MVP, so it's no surprise that here in New York, no one is talking about the Red Sox. Double Play-Rod is the phrase du jour.

So I'd love to talk more about what an enjoyable game yesterday's victory was, from its rekindling my love affair with Coco Crisp (timely bloop hitting, clever and incredibly daring baserunning to score from 2nd on an infield single, something I've never seen before and something Coco had to be thinking of at just one glance at the ol' Dancing Mustachioed Bear there at 1st base), Justin Masterson (one thing he can do is induce the ground ball), Hideki Okajima (the precision-thrown curve he struck his fellow Hideki out with was a BALLsy pitch on a 3-2 count), and Terry Francona (for reshuffling the bullpen and putting Delcarmen into the Aardsma role, the wisdom of which was promptly rewarded with two walks and a single).

Yes, I'd love to. But when in Rome, act like the Romans. When in Brooklyn, we contemplate all the nicknames A-Rod's stupid nickname has spawned, and what may be next. Yes, this is Alex Rodriguez, past and future, two or so syllables at a time.



Babe-Rod

A-Child

A-Kid

A-Rod

A-Fraud (say the Mariners fans as he leaves for the $$$)

A-Yawn (the collective impact, in wins, of his Texas time)

Gay-Rod (Alex gets to make his first trips to Boston, Fenway fan base descends accordingly with A-Rod has AIDS t-shirts, I roll my eyes and open another bottle of Knob Creek)

Stray-Rod (she's kinda hideous except in a generic blonde sense, too)

Hey!-Rod (when this bullshit went down)

A-God (my friend Nick's name for him last season, fully justified; he was then promptly struck down by a bolt of lightning and A-Rod promptly sucked in another Yankees ALDS exit)

Double Play-Rod

Alimony-Rod

A-Bawd? (Alex Rodriguez's number found in Tampa madam's little red book; no charges filed.)

Overpaid-Rod! (NY Post headline at the conclusion of 2009 season, when he only hits, gasp, 32 HRs)

A-Mob (Yankee Stadium crowd attacks the field after Alex Rodriguez grounds out to end the last game of the season, putting the Yanks out of the playoffs for the third straight season. Alex survives with minor injuries, multiple foreign objects embedded in various locations.)

A-Slob (34-year-old Rodriguez shows up to spring training looking like Ray King. Has a resurgent power year in spite of "Fatty fatty fat fat!" taunts league-wide)

A-Hob(bled) (severe knee injury)

Kra-Rod (NY Post headline as "long-time good friends" Lenny Kravitz and Cynthia Rodriguez are wed. Editor who came up with this headline promptly fired.)

Blue Jay-Rod (or Ray-Rod, L.A.-Rod, Padre-Rod, or whatever pasture of the moment he is put out to spend his last years in)

Hall of Fame-Rod

A-Sob (In an interview with the New York Daily PostNews-Gazette-Shopper, Alex admits to not feeling his legacy has been appreciated. Interview followed with seven pages of scathing editorials making fun of him; rest of the paper, as is traditional for Daily PostNews-Gazette-Shopper, consists of hardcore pornography.)

Slay-Rod (Imagine your own tawdry murder fantasy.)

A-Corpse

WEEKEND POST-GAME: First we cook, then we chill.

Alright. Nice Sunday. Ate at Joe's, wandered and discovered that if "Williamsburg" isn't dying, it's at least being pushed further and further South. Drank a couple beers here as the Angels hung tight and then got absolutely manhandled. Enjoyed the company of an Ozzie Sox fan among others. Wrote a couple rewritten lyrics.



gooooodbye anaheim angels...
I can't hang a name on you...
when it changes every new day...
I'm not gonna miss you...

Took the train. Heard via cell phone by field reporter Nay Ratzoo, #3 Marmaduke Fan in the world, that Clemens was down, Clemens was down, and Trot hit a homerun. Good.

(To my field reporter: give me a better name than what I just spat out there. Any name.)

Saw a brilliant show by a brave woman.

Passed by Slainte and saw that the Yankees were...ahead? Whatever. No, not whatever. Good. May as well see if anyone knows how this happened. Explained a bit of baseball to a dude from the U.K. because he asked me. Apparently I know more about cricket than I thought.

(Hello, across the pond: Jen, Dan, and Lil' E.)

Ordered a club soda just to be a customer. talked a bit of Chicago with some Bears fans, talked a bit of...business? with Packers fans. Fun.

Far as the [New York Highlanders] versus the [Cleveland Spiders], I have three words for you. Blood, blood, blood.

I'm cooked, now I chill.



And then I listen to this. Gorgeous song by a brave man composed as he lay dying, mainly just with some records, samples of which may never have cleared to my knowledge. Played by a Korean punk-rock band. I have been over this before. Wow. Wow. Wow.



Then I sleep. Bar's closed on "Columbus" Day. Um, enjoy it. But stare at this a minute and think. I'd love to know what you think, because...zzzzzz....

Halftime. (Almost.)

77 games down, 85 to go, which places us almost at the true midseason point, 9.5 games up, on a 100(.44)-win pace. Good times. And also a good time to check my preseason predictions, which you can find here. I have few/no predictive powers normally, although I'm at least in good shape and not paid to make bad predictions. AND, this year I seem to know what I'm doing so far. Let's look it over.

AAA East

Predicted Winner: Illadelphia.
Current Leader: NY Dodgers-Giants Replacement Franchise.
Teams in exact predicted order: 3/5.

--I didn't think the Mets had the pitching, and if trends continue...they don't. This is a fun three-way pennant chase, and absurd as Jimmy Rollins' prediction seemed when the Phillies started off awful, they may be the most balanced team in the division. This division could go any which way. As for Florida and Washington, only the delusional could pick them anything but 4th-5th.

AAAA Central

Predicted Winner: Houston Colt .45s.
Current Leader: Milwaukee.
Teams in exact predicted order: 1/6.

For the record, I said I had no idea what would happen here, so at least I predicted my awful predictions. What a shitty division this is, and what a fun team the Brewers are to watch. You've gotta love Prince Fielder, infamously mentioned as the player too fat for even Oakland to select in Moneyball, and watching him hit an inside the park HR ranks high on this year's highlights so far. They very well may be a team worth pissing yourself over. And it sure beats the other way of pissing yourself in Milwaukee: getting too drunk on PBR and losing control of everything. Things have improved since I made fun of the city six years ago.

Two predictions I will take pride are the general descent of St. Louis, and my one right pick, the 2nd place Cubs. The guy who started this site before the year even began is still an ass though.

AAAA West

Predicted Winner: Arizona.
Current Leader: San Diego.
Teams in exact predicted order: 0/5.

Not as bad as it looks, since the top three teams are essentially tied for first. Did I call the AAAA East a fun pennant chase? Lookee here. The only thing I'm annoyed about is underrating the Rockies, since I knew the San Francisco/New York/BALCO Giants were gonna suck; I didn't predict suckage of this degree, however, and underestimated the Rox, who very well may have a future. They sure buzzsawed the Sox and Yankees in interleague play.

AL West

Predicted Winner: Los Angeles/Anaheim.
Current Leader: Los Angeles/Anaheim.
Teams in exact order: 2/4.

I blame the Red Sox here, because were it not for the sweep to the Trident, I'd be 4/4 and be a golden god.

AL Central

Predicted Leader: Cleveland.
Current Leader: Detroit.
Teams in exact order: 3/5.

Detroit just overtook Cleveland by a half-game. Minnesota is as middling as I thought, the ChiSox just as far into their collapse. I am a golden demi-god?

AL East

Predicted Leader: Boston.
Current Leader: Boston.
Teams in exact order: 3/5.

I did have the balls to finally predict an end to the Sox's wild card run, a dynasty of regular season defeat, but this is all about the Yankees. No one, especially not Joe Morgan (see 6/26) could have predicted the Yankees' collapse. I predicted that Pavano-Pettite-Mussina couldn't stay healthy (right), that Clemens wasn't coming back (wrong, but considering the 5+ ERA he's sporting right now, esoterically right), and that Hughes wasn't ready this year (TKO), so pitching would hold them down. It has. The offensive collapse? Not predicted. A-Rod becoming the Good Yankee? Definitely not, even if it is essentially a contract year. Project A13 shouldn't shut down just yet though.

Prediction: I will leave the office for happy hour at Barcade....now.

GAME SEVENTEEN: Feelin' great, feelin' good, how are you?

Sorry it's been awhile; was sick most of last week up 'til yesterday, along with patches of lazy. I'll try to get a bit up to speed, but having neglected my duties, this might take a bit of time. Let's do it in punchy fashion.

ITEM!
A-Rod is a gifted athlete!

ITEM!
The Yankees have lost four straight all the same!

ITEM!
"Four straight" are the magic words!



ITEM!
Manny Ramirez has not one but two children named Manny Jr.!

ITEM!
Taken to the chest, either of the two bombs Cuban Mike Lowell hit on Sunday would have killed Fidel Castro!



ITEM!
Some Yankee fans don't know how to take losing! (See: lil' baby who walked out of Mugs before the game was over, whining.) That makes it more fun to watch them watch their team get swept!

ITEM!
Kei Igawa :: Daisuke Matsuzaka
as
Buying a buncha lottery tickets :: 401k.

ITEM!
Andy Pettite has been the most effective bullpen pitcher for the New York Yankees!

ITEM!
David Ortiz isn't a very good baserunner!

ITEM!
We lost last night! But Dustin Pedroia hit a two-RBI double! And my new nickname idea is on hold for as long as he shows strong signs of life! That's all I want to say about that game!

ITEM!
The Red Sox held their Jackie Robinson Day a week late due to rain! It was so late, they should have called it Pumpsie Green Day!

ITEM!
I drank too much coffee!

GAMES FOUR-SIX: 1-2, and good?

Yes, I can hear the fatalists: "Buhhhh. We're 3-3. What's wrong with these guys? Mwa mwa mwa mwa." Easy, people. Let's compare and contrast by the only point of comparison y'all seem to care about. The MFYs.

Red Sox: 3-3. Could be 4-3 if it weren't for total power failure in one game (in classic Tim Wakefield gets no run support fashion), but basically, 3-3 is what they should be.

Yankees: 2-4. Could be...0-6. If Chris Ray hadn't fallen completely apart in the 9th inning for the O's, quite uncharacteristic for the burgeoning (yup, he's "burgeoning" good: the B.J. Ryan non-resigning has worked out just fine and dandy) young closer, that's 1-5. No big comeback on opening day against the rather shitty D'Rays bullpen and that's 0-6. I'll grant that the snow game (well, one of a few) with Pettite on the mound could have gone either way. That's it.

Red Sox: Excellent starting pitching, excellent relieving. Schilling's first game seemed like an aberration based off his excellent start yesterday; particularly considering Piniero's near-blown save/game in the 8th, I would have considered keeping him in, Francona, but caution with a 40-year-old starter is understandable. Fun watching yesterday's game on ESPN: the K Zone showed Schilling continually hitting the corners. By which I mean, the exact diagonal corners of the strike zone. Gotta love a power pitcher with pinpoint accuracy. Far as his politics...at least he's in favor of stem cell research?

Far as Saturday's game, Julian Tavarez apparently, um, forgot his sinker?, but he's a fifth starter; wait until Lester returns. You know why he and Manny are best friends? Because they're both fucking crazy. At least Manny hasn't exhibited irrational violence since charging Roger Clemens after a pitch nowhere near hitting him in Game 3 of the 2003 ALCS. But I still have fond memories of that.


(Did Zimmer deserve that? Sure. That's for 1978, bitch.)

Anyway...

Yankees: Um, you've still got Mariano...and Andy Pettite pitched really well in his second appearance...pitching one inning in relief yesterday because your bullpen was really tired...because in four of your five games, your starter failed to go five innings...and the one pitcher who did gave up seven runs in those five innings. Here's my breakdown of the supposed AL East favorite's rotation:

(Chien-Ming Wang= DL, future unknown.)
Mike Mussina= Standing On The Verge Of Getting It On. (Retirement, that is.)

Andy Pettite= Welcome back to the American League; here's your 5+ ERA.

Kei Igawa= future long reliever.

Carl Pavano= Carl Pavano. Also, liable to die in this season's car crash.

Darrell Rasner= Darrell Rasner, waiver wire pickup...from the Nationals. (See their rotation and think of that.)

(Phillip Hughes/Roger Clemens: One isn't ready. The other's a long shot to return, especially if he wants to come back to Fenway and put a full circle on it all; plus, it might be too late if and when he does come back. Don't overlook the Blue Jays just yet.)

It's easy for the rational baseball fan to take a second and be high on the Sox's start. (I didn't even mention the bullpen; there are still question marks, but so far so good. And Papelbon yesterday? Sooooo good. The Rangers couldn't hit him if they had four strikes to a strikeout.)

So yeah, Red Sox: okay start, great signs of excellence to come. Yankees: don't panic yet. But don't say I didn't warn ya.

And now, some highlights from idiocy incarnate. Yup, it's Joe Morgan. Last night's obvious and oblivious statements (selected):

"You know, I don't think this fastball was away, I think it was supposed to be away, let's look at it...(replay shows outside pitch) Well, I guess it was outside."

On having a good hitter bat third:

"See, the good thing about having a good hitter batting third, the first two batters might make outs and you still get an at-bat in for one of your best guys. (So THAT's why Francona didn't bat Alex Cora third! GENIUS!)

On Ron Washington changing from 3rd base coach to manager:

"And there's a difference between being a third base coach and a manager! Somewhat different relationship with the players."

On Ron Washington, as A's third base coach v. as Rangers manager:

"And there is a difference between being a manager and a third base coach! Somewhat different relationship with the players."

After K Zone showed a borderline pitch was a ball:

"I didn't have any doubt it was a ball because [apparently perfect home plate umpire] Culbreth called it a ball!"

During a pitching change, just before Javier Lopez walked out to face a batter:

"Papelbon must be coming in because I don't see anyone else in the bullpen. Oh, wait, there's Lopez."

On Kenny Lofton's power: Mentioned he has just over 100 homeruns. Or, you know, SEVEN homeruns a season, roughly. Get ready to run to the warning track when he's up!

Enough of that, since I'm sure picked up on plenty here. Credit due to Joe for not making standard stupid anti-Moneyball comments as the A's kept coming up as a subject.

And happy birthday, Peter Gammons. Never slow down, never grow old.