Monday, September 22, 2008
Dear Bruce Dreckman,
As an umpire, you probably know these things. All the same, let's review.
This is home plate.
This is not home plate, although it is within the strike zone you granted Rafael Betancourt in the bottom of the 7th. The pitch you said Josh Beckett was ball four for a walk earlier in the game was much more borderline, and was not in South Boston.
(Josh Beckett's pitches do not go into South Boston. They support busing and hate that bitch Louisa Day Hicks.)
In conclusion, if Derek Lowe was still on the Red Sox, this is the sign he would give you:
You're a dick and you have a record of it, too. Suck it dry.
Yours in Christ,