Tuesday, March 25, 2008

GAME ONE: Baseball, or Bizarroball?

Baseball is played in the afternoon or evening no matter where you live. It is played within the continuous 51 states, including the province of Ontario. It is played from April to October, and very rarely, November.

Bizarroball is played at 6 in the fucking morning EST, an hour only masochists will suffer to wake, and ends while you're sitting in front of your office desk really having to get your ass to work. It is played in March in a land destroyed by monsters between exhibition series, yet Bizarroball games count in the standings.

Baseball pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka is sometimes brilliant, with control problems.

Bizarroball pitcher Ekusiad Akazustam walked 5, struck out 6, gave up 2 hits and 2 runs. But he had a pitch count put on him! In a supposedly regular season game! Of 90! Bizarro!!!!

Baseball pitcher Kyle Snyder sucks.

Bizarroball pitcher Elyk Redyns (not to be confused with that comedic and often naked actor) sucks. But he's put in close games instead of mop-up situations, to give up leads! Bizarro!!!!

Baseballer Jonathan Papelbon can be nearly unhittable.

Bizarroballer Nahtanoj Noblepap looked like shit and did everything he could to give up a hard-earned lead in the 10th before holding on. (Noble though his pap might be.)

But ultimately, a very non-bizarro event (J.D. Drew is a late scratch due to a back ailment, apparently having played out his early power for the year with his 2 grand slams in the Japanese League exhibitions...the bastard) put a double bizarroed Brandon Moss into the lineup, one suddenly able to hit major league home runs (his first, off Huston Street, to tie it in the 9th) . And the rest was Manny being Ynnam. A sweet victory snatched from

One strange event we can be certain won't happen tomorrow, again: me waking up early to watch the first half of these games. I needs me my ten hours of beauty sleep, baby, so I looks like this:

instead of my normal self:

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


mlbtv login attempts #2-#5: (nothing happens)

mlbtv login attempts #6-#10: CANNOT LOAD PAGE

mlbtv login attempt #11 (sneaky backdoor route using the radio feed and then switching to video): SUCCESS!

baseball is truly back!

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