To Red Sox
Craig Hansen (from Red Sox)
Brandon Moss (from Red Sox)
Andy LaRoche (from Dodgers)
Bryan Morris (from Dodgers)
Not a goddamn thing, because they tried to jack the Red Sox for $9 million; yes, that's Manny Ramirez's salary, PLUS a fee. Fuck off and go finish 3rd in the NL East, you motherfuckers. And I thought we had a trading relationship.
For cheapness and crimes against humanity, baseball, the Montreal Expos, and the Florida Marlins, Mr. Jeffrey Loria. In hell, Youppi will repeatedly jam the Quebec provincial flag up his ass. On a long metal pole.
To Terry Francona
The peace that comes with knowing your left fielder won't opt out of the game a couple hours before, and knowing that you can't accidentally blow a 5-run lead by putting Craig Hansen in.
To J.D. Drew
The #3 slot in the lineup?
To Pirates GM Neal Huntington
Props. That's some haul for one very good but not All-MLB left fielder. This team has a future.
To Tampa Bay
These nuts in your mouth. He who was to be your big trade acquisition is ours, bitches. Years of Chuck LaMar's ridiculous trade requests have come full circle now that the Rays are buyers as sellers feel the need to keep asking for more. Payback's a grandmother.
To Red Sox fans
Remains to be seen. At best, the current malaise clears up, Bay batters the ball at roughly the same rate as he did in the National League and thus makes the loss of Ramirez a statistical wash, plus defense, and we win the World Series. There are a lot of other possible outcomes.
All that I can ultimately say is that I'll miss Manny Ramirez, but for the 40 minutes there where it seemed that neither Ramirez nor Bay had been traded by the deadline, I was terrified of the toxic environment to come if he stayed.
Remember the feeling of watching total self-destruction? Me too. Now we can hope for 2004 redux (trade angry All-Star for less than equal return, change team environment, win World Series) rather than 2001 redux. Here's hoping, anyway.