Daisuke Matsuzaka makes me wet.

Video from him pitching against Ichiro in the Japanese leagues. Actually, let me make sure to hit the details: Daisuke Matsuzaka at age 18 pitching in the Japanese major leagues against Ichiro, then one of the biggest stars if not the biggest in Japan, and making him look foolish a couple times. You can get a sense of how clueless a batter can be as to where his pitches will go. (EVERYTHING he throws has movement, man; the fastball can have a nice rightward zig on it too.) Even the sour lemon-flavored rotten egg face Daisuke makes when Ichiro takes him yard is awesome.

The rest of the video is, of course, incomprehensible to me, as a white person with only cursory interests in Japanese culture. But most Westerners I know who are really into Japanese shit are either annoying psuedo-Buddhists or secretly implying this when they speak of "Japanese culture." Translations appreciated. Of the stuff in the video, not of the place Battle Raper has in pop culture.



Dramatic recreation of the inside of Gary Sheffield's head the first time Daisuke strikes him out. Voice of Gary Sheffield's ego played by Lily Tomlin, id by Dustin Hoffman, silent superego by Isabella Huppert:



Japan is fucking weird: