Doug Mientkiewicz Has Good Hands (Webisode script)

Little too tired to write something fresh today...I swear, ICHIRO VERSUS will be written some day, yeah, when we walk in the rays of a beautiful sun, but until then, I've got a little script for you. Copyright J. Drimmer 2007, y'know, since I'm soooooo likely to sell this and we're all a little Mientkiewicz sometimes, and property gets abused when that happens. Any notes in the comments appreciated.

The Boston Red Sox clubhouse, after hours, in shadows. We see two silhouettes, one much larger than the other. The lights flick on: the figures, in uniform, are Red Sox designated hitter DAVID ORTIZ and former Red Sox/current New York Yankees first baseman DOUG MIENTKIEWICZ. David is comfortable; Doug is happy to be here, but is very, very twitchy.

DAVID
Welcome back, Doug Mientkiewicz! It’s good to have you back here, my friend.

DOUG
Um. Yeah. Great. Good. Same to you.

At the speed of light, Doug steals a batting glove from a locker. David doesn’t see it.

DAVID
Did you ever think you would be back here in the clubhouse?

Zoom. A glove vanishes.

DOUG
I wasn’t sure. (looks to his hand) But I still wear our World Series ring everywhere.

DAVID
You were an almost important part of our team! I know it must be strange to be here, now that you play for our rivals, the magnanimous New York Yankees…

Zap. There goes a box of baseballs.

DOUG
Yes.

DAVID
And that whole matter with when you tried to keep the ball with which the final out of the Boston franchise’s first championship in 86 years, well, that was rather unfortunate…

Zip. The entire contents of Jason Varitek’s locker are gone.

DOUG
Perhaps. I mean, um, yes.

DAVID
But you were somewhat necessary to our team’s success! Your sterling glove shone on the rare moments we needed you at first base, even if first base is a defensive position easy enough that I can play it adequately!

…and a water cooler is gone.

DOUG
You’re, um, you’re not that bad a first baseman.

DAVID
Ha ha ha. Come now. I am. Anyway, I just wanted to bring you down to let know that to me, you aren’t a thief. You’re a friend. A good, occasional friend!

DOUG (almost teary-eyed)
Thanks, David. It means a lot. (beat) I’ve got to go.

DAVID
Take care.

Doug leaves. Close shot of David Ortiz’s face.

DAVID
He’s a nice guy. And an excellent first baseman. Really good hands. Really good hands.

Shot further away from Ortiz; his uniform was stolen from him when he and we weren’t watching, and now he’s down to boxers and socks, as he’s just noticed.

DAVID
Ha ha ha! Really good hands.

Beat. Ortiz picks up the clubhouse phone.

DAVID (into the phone)
Security?

End.