GAME THREE: Enter Monster Zero, exit Kansas City.

"I can't say that my overall condition was that great today, but I think the role of a starting pitcher is to set up the game and give my teammates the opportunity to win."
--Daisuke Matsuzaka after yesterday's game, giving up one MFing run in 7 innings and striking out TEN; this is about the third time I've heard him quoted as being only semi-satisfied with his performance while everyone else was wowed.

"I'm not really a rookie, so I wonder if perhaps I didn't have as good a season as some people told me. Still, small air of insult though I breathe here, I suppose this is something of an honor."
--upon receiving the 2007 AL Rookie of the Year

"I really wasn't throwing that well today. The ball was there to be hit, they just failed to."
--after throwing a no-hitter against the Washington Nationals, August 2008.

"I really failed to establish my slider this season, but I suppose I found ways around that. Still, it was disappointing to lose that pitch."
--receiving the 2009 AL Cy Young Award.

"I could have gone 11 if I'd only induced more groundballs. Why didn't I throw more sinkers? Stupid, stupid, stupid!"
--receiving the 2010 World Series MVP, after a 10-inning shutout in Game 7 against the Arizona Diamondbacks.

"I have a stomachache. I should really eat better. I'm getting fat. This upsets me. Perhaps my wife doesn't love me anymore? And is anyone going to hire a pitcher whose first language isn't English as a Major League manager? The future seems bleak."
--Hall Of Fame induction speech.



So, yeah, I like the Kaibutsu's apparently inability to be satisfied. This bodes well. But yes, it's Kansas City. I know I'm getting ahead of myself. Just let me, okay?

One more fun bit before I go. From the ever-entertaining Fire Joe Morgan...

"Visit the Ritz Carlton Three Hole Resort and you will have answered the question: 'Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio?'

The Ritz Carlton Three Hole Resort sounds like something a frat guy would call a hot rich girl.

"Dude, I totally spent the night at the Ritz Carlton Three Hole Resort, if you get what I mean!!! I mean I fucked a girl."

Beer, high fives, exeunt."

That's staying in my slang dictionary. Monster Zero is a work-in-progress...if anyone has anything better, particularly a more ideal match for Daisuke from the Godzilla library, let me know.