Tuesday, June 5, 2007

GAME FIFTY SIX: So very tired.

Oakland 5, Boston 4 (11 Innings), a monologue for nine actors
by Josh Drimmer

The Boston Red Sox, yawning, enter. They have come off a red eye from Boston to Oakland to play the Athletics, a good team with excellent pitching. This is not the normal starting nine; Alex Cora and Eric Hinske are in there, playing SS and 1B, respectively.

RED SOX (more or less in unison)

Man, that trip sucked...fucking Bud, and his schedule-makers...the Yankees, and now, this? Does it even matter who we...

Haren's good. Remember this kid from Game 1 in '04? I know Wakefield does. We nearly lost that game...if he'd started it we might have...aw, man am I tired. Lowell, what was that drink you mixed me? Was that supposed to put me to sleep? Shit, it hyped us up, man. I lost $500 playing hold 'em in the back of the plane drunk off my ass drinking "Mike's Hard Cuban Lemonade." Francona wasn't even planning on resting this much of the team...eh, at least you're hitting...I...the worst part is, no one in Boston's even awake right now...that was rum? Sure it was.

Oh shit, it's the 9th inning already? Julian pitched alright, man. That Haren kid is one thing, but...wait, Alan Embree's still in the league? I thought he retired after we...oh, right, of course, that was Keith. Man, Keith deserved better from the city of Boston. I have, like, no memory when I get no sleep. Back to the point...Embree's...wait, he's the closer now? Julian isn't losing this game, boys. Let's put up an inning...

HELL YEAH! TIE GAME! Schedule makers, kiss our asses! Now let's...shit. Well, let's see if we can get us some extras...phew. J.C., man, that was some inning. Well, sorta. Better to be lucky than good, right? Eh, Mike? Kings against Aces...they teach you how to put a mechanic's grip on in Cuba?

C'mon Kyle. Okajima and Papelbon could use the rest. Chavez isn't that good. You can...

Oooh. A high fastball isn't so good a...

That's out of here, isn't it?

Pass me that lemonade, man. And two Tylenol PM. Or you could just...I...

Players collapse to the floor, exhausted. We hear a lot of snoring. "I'm So Tired" by The Beatles plays as lights fade. End of play.

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